How to cook a turkey in your chimney

Jan 15th, 2013 | By | Category: Tourism

121122thanksgiving37121122thanksgiving061)     Go to a fun place, like Portland, and meet and hang out with a lot of smart people.  People that do really cool things that help the world.  People that invent things you don’t understand.  Wonder how you know these smart people and try to not speak for fear they will realize you are not even remotely close to being as smart as they are.  Go find Cali the dog so you can at least have a conversation you understand.  Wake up the next morning and discover that smart people also run ultra marathons in their spare time.  Remind yourself that fat people do not run far.


2)    Assist the cook by keeping him company while he prepares the turkey.  Discover that engineers, even in their genius, sometimes need help when they are only using directions as a guideline.  There are no “how to cook a turkey in your chimenea” directions.  There are directions on “how to barbecue a turkey.”  Realize that you may have marketable skills that smart people need (like physical labor) after all.

121122thanksgiving093)    Debate with engineers the best way to get a turkey into a makeshift suspension cable/grill contraption without burning your hands and forearms.  Discuss how, while the design is sound, it does not incorporate the tolerance of human beings to searing hot heat.

121122thanksgiving204)    After getting the turkey suspended, modify the original design to compensate for unknown variables (such as heat escaping).  Create makeshift pieces for the design in order to insure it will cook the turkey within the next few hours without using half the surviving old growth redwoods.  Hope these additional pieces do not catch on fire while cooking the turkey.

5)    Debate the ability/practicality of actually turning the turkey while suspended.  Discuss the pros and cons of just cooking it as is and letting the one side burn.  Agree not to turn it.  Changing the decision when the turkey catches on fire. 121122thanksgiving31

6)    Throwing the recipe away because it does not talk about how to unhook the hooks that have used turkey grease to cook themselves to the grill.  Creating a new plan that will remove the hooks.  Burn one’s fingers while trying to implement this plan and watch the turkey fall out of the chimenea and roll onto the ground.  Quickly pick up the turkey and put it on a cutting board before anyone sees.  Watch smart people fight off Cali the dog for rights to the 121122thanksgiving33food which is now on the ground.  Put the turkey (now turned) back into the chimenea.

7)    Take the turkey out of the chimenea, cover it, and let it sit.  Wonder if it will actually taste good…no wonder if it will have any palatable flavor at all.  Pull out the giblets and liver package that is contained within the turkey and is supposed to be removed prior to cooking.  Notice that there is a lot of food on the table and hope no one really wants turkey.121122thanksgiving44

8)    Cut it open and realize this may be the best turkey ever … if not, at least it was entertaining to make.


(yes, it was phenomenal)



What the turkey looked like prior to carving


first thought of debate on turning the turkey


modification #2 (door)


working on putting the turkey back on the fire


original inspiration for the chiminea turkey grill


more food … kind of lets us off the hook


good times with Michelle


some amazing concoction of almonds and brandy


stuffing inside the turkey, an apple, an orange, and an onion…probably the only part of the recipes followed


heating up the fire


closeup of Nick’s amazing engineering


driving up to to Portland


debate on best way to proceed next. Nick with some Portland hand signs, Mike with a burning stick.


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2 Comments to “How to cook a turkey in your chimney”

  1. Al Johansen says:

    I was laughing in tears all the way through reading this……….. very entertaianing writing and very well done with pictures Good Job Mookey !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Dan Biezad says:

    “Learn by Doing” lives and thrives in the Northwest.

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