Lance Armstrong’s Publicist is a GENIUS!

Jan 21st, 2013 | By | Category: Blog

Lance’s publicist says, “Lance, come clean now.  You will never have a better opportunity.”

“Why?”  Lance replies.

Publicist, “Just trust me.”

I’m sure the story was a little bit more than that, but this played out so ridiculously well whoever does publicity for Lance had to have a crystal ball.  I’m not going to talk about the rights or wrongs of doping in a situation where everyone is doing it, but I will say when the press is out to get you and they might be right (regardless of why), when you come clean is the most important thing ever.

“Did you see the Lance Armstrong interview?”  … it was talked about for maybe 5 minutes.  The story hasn’t even reached its climax and all of a sudden here comes Manti Te’o.  For those of you who don’t know, Te’o was a Heisman Trophy candidate at Notre Dame whose grandmother died in September, and within hours of her death, the love of his life  died as well.  Wow.  Talk about bad luck.

Well…turns out the love of his life never existed.  It was some practical joke created by a cousin that just spiraled out of control.  Too embarassed to admit they met online, he said they met when Notre Dame played Stanford a couple years ago.  Whatever his involvement, at some point he knew about it because he actually talked about her and the conversations on the phone that put her to sleep.  Wow indeed.  This is such a fantasticly ridiculous joke I can’t even come up with a stupid metaphor for it.  People are talking about how his “stock” is going to go down because no one is going to want a crazy person playing for them … that’s crap.  This guy is going to make so much money that Bill Gates is going to be jealous.  He might even make MORE because now even non-sports people know who he is.  I’m sure he’s embarrassed, but if I was about to make that kind of money for playing a game you could post pictures of me making having sex with monkeys. The guys I listen to on the radio however, said it best, “Te’o, don’t  worry about it, we’ll have something else to talk about after the weekend.

And sure enough, the 49ers and the Ravens both win.  Two brothers facing each other as head coaches in the superbowl.  Doesn’t seem like a big deal, but think about it.  Remember growing up, the guy that wrestled you to the ground and beat the crap out of you?  Well, he’s coaching probably the biggest game of the year in any sport.  His opponent…YOU.  The sports world has something else to talk about.

Lance who?

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